Friend

"Friend" is not just a word containing six letters , it is something more related to trust. We create memories with our friend and decorate it in our book called "life". We share our happiness and sorrows with our friend. But when the first three letters vanishes from this word "friend", the remaining thing only hurts us.

Like every other individual , I have been deceived by my friends a plenty of times despite, I still trusted others easily. At the beginning of my college too, I had a strong feeling that I would take the best memories of my life from this place as I would have wonderful friends to create them. And yes, today when I am almost at the end of the session, I have got plenty of memories to think of and laugh at but those friends who helped me to create it are lacking behind.

Not almost all but that one friend, whom, I gave a lot of importance has deceived me today. This may be one of my bitter memories which I have collected so far. Despite of this, life continues and I am eager to taste the different flavours of life which are yet to come.

Who is she?

A girl with long, thick hair who often hides her brown chocolatey eyes behind those purple spectacles is neither so special nor so unique. She seems silent most of the time so, people often misunderstand her as a  proud and rude girl who has very high opinion about herself. She doesn't seem attractive so only few attempt to communicate with her.

People mostly judge her on the basis of her looks so, they hardly see her reality. Though she seems good in studies, her heavy body blocks all her intelligence. She lacks  confidence most of the time to face the public. She feels uncomfortable to walk through the crowded places that is why she confines herself within the four walls of her house. She is rarely seen walking around those busy roads.

Only few people find her interesting so, they try to understand her. She is emotional and over thinking personality so, only few can handle her. She doesn't have that pleasing personality but she has something inside her which is yet to be discovered ....

Silence

Feelings are the major source of destruction. What you feel will definitely affect your work. Good feelings always give good output whereas, bad feelings results to negativity. 

I often keep troubling my mind these days thinking -do we really have  control over our feelings? Or do we just let our feelings flow with the flow of time? But it is true that most of us  don't have control over our feelings and just feel and think what others want us to do.

Unlike others , I too have the same problem. I feel for small things. Whenever I get compared with others or someone does negative comment on my way of handling things, I take things more deeply and seriously. I wonder if this is my weakness or strength but this thing has made me too much introvert.

With flow of every second, I fill my mind with unnecessary things. I am too much frustrated and can't find a way to let it out. I am silent most of the time hiding my feelings in the deep ocean of my heart. But I still try hard to smile and enjoy my life because life is beautiful.

Just for you

What do u guys imagine all day sitting on your couch? Do u dream about your date?,or about your carrer?, or about the life u will have? Well, we all keep on thinking or maybe sometimes over thinking about our future. We worry about results, compliments or money. We imagine a happy life with a beautiful/ handsome partner. And all the time we imagine ourselves living.

But I often get busy imagining my death. I simply think how beautiful and peaceful my death will be if I die according to my imagination. Taking nearly six months, I imagined a beautiful story for my death.

I have a dream of climbing "The Everest". I believe taking birth in Nepal, one must climb "Everest" once. So, my imagination flows like, I'll be going on "Everest Expedition". It'll take nearly 3 months for me to reach it's summit. Struggling hard with my difficulties like 'asthma', 'fear of slope' etc I'll reach at the top of the world.

Just imagine how beautiful the view will be? I will have the feeling like I am the 'Queen of the World'. I will enjoy the scene for a while and remove my oxygen mask. I will communicate with my partner and tell him that I have reached the summit but I have no desire to leave this place. He may be arguing with me as I haven't paid him. I'll be telling him that he'll get all that he needs but all he needs to do is let me die at the top of the world peacefully . I'll also tell him not to take my corpse away from there. I want my body to be there forever.

And then due to low air pressure, I'll start having difficulty in breathing. During my those last breaths I'll be remembering only my 'love' . And my corpse will be lying there forever. You may think my imagination to be a bit nonsense. Some of you may also think that I am insane but if I die this way the pleasure of death will be so sweet.

Black and white

Life has always been showing me it's different colours. Sometimes I am covered with it's bright light and I smile but most of the time I am covered by it's dark light so I am sad. But every time I think something good is yet to come.

People may think that my life is bed of roses but they are unaware about the path of thorns I am passing through. Life has always kept me into such states when I can't have control over my emotional side. I become emotionally weak and sad.

But life definitely gives u a second chance. It is my belief and I shall continue my journey living my past behind, encountering different people with different past.

War

My country Nepal is in a very crucial state. It's time to draft the new constitution and the country is going on federalism. Due to this I am witnessing a lot of conflict around myself.

It is said that teenage is the stage of our life where it is decided whether we will be good or bad. If we choose right track our life becomes bed of roses and if we are misled we have to walk on the road of thrones. In the same way this is the stage when Nepal's future will be be decided.

As all these things are going around in Nepal, the military groups are too training hard. These days I regularly witness the trainings of army and police on my way to college. Seeing this I often encounter with the feeling of war. I find myself to be Anne Frank and those military groups to be Nazi commanders. The scene is really frightening. And last day I saw those armies painting their faces with black colour as if it was really a battlefield. I literally went back to 1940s world war and just kept thinking what is God really planning to do.

Secrets of my past!

Oh My God ! Why is this happening with me? Why is my past frequently dominating my present to ruin my future? These all questions occupied my mind today when I was returning from my college.

Like any other day, I was returning my home in micro bus when the person who ruined my relationship with my father appeared there. He came inside the same micro bus and sat right beside me. I was loosing my temper and was avoiding him as much as possible. I didn't know if he had recognised me or not but I couldn't tolerate him any longer.

I hate him, his face, his voice and everything about him. His presence only makes me go to the flashback of my past school life and how his activities ruined my life. He was the main cause for damaging my relation with my father. His lower mentality really changed my perception about my teachers.

My eyes were full of hatred. I was simply not expecting this. Then suddenly he got down from the micro bus and I got some fresh air to inhale. Just then, my stop arrived and I got down. But in my way to home I again saw him getting respect from people. I don't think he really deserves it. I am simply disappointed.

Life and Art

What is life? Is it all about spending some moment of happiness or it is the mixture of ups and downs. Well, it depends on individual's view. Then what is Art? In my view, art is something which can immortalize the mortal beings. So, does life and art have some relationship?

Art doesn't only mean paintings or drawings. Art can also be any piece of writing like poem, stories etc. When a person has life within, he/she give birth to art. A dead person cannot give birth to any kind of art. But what a great surprise, the producer of the art may die but the product art will never die.

Art generally includes the world of life. A producer generally includes different phases of life in his/her product that is art. So, art cannot born without life. Life gives birth to art and art immortalizes the life in different form. Life may have an end but art shall live forever.

So, art and life are more or less interrelated. One is needed for the existence of another.

Opinion

The world, the solar system, the galaxy, the universe, the infinity what are these things? Are they what scientist or astronauts say or is there something deeper.  

You may find my opinion biased as I am devoted to my religion but believe it or not I had an aim of being Astronaut in the past. I too had a desire of exploring the world of space but like Murphy's law states "whatever has to happen will happen", something changed my mind.

But still I keep on devoting myself to this topic and I always end up to a common conclusion that the world is all about true love either materialistic or divine. To understand the deep secrets of universe, one must be calm ie. presence of inner peace. And inner peace comes after satisfaction, and nothing can satisfy one like true love. So, true love can help to dig out the deep secrets of the universe.

Some of you may not agree with me as science believes in results not theory. But it takes time for result to be seen. We must be patient enough to see the outcome but it is what we lack. In the modern era of smart phones and laptops, we don't enjoy using the traditional telephone. But we must not forget that the traditional telephone were the one which were invented before smart phones though they are slow in comparison to today's smart phones.

I may seem to have moved off topic but the argument I am holding here is true love is all powerful which can even melt the stone. This is my opinion and you may have your own too so it simply depends upon how you prove it.

Hard decision 2

It was really hard for me to move on.  I was trapped in the webs of society so it was impossible for me to stay. I walked on trying not to look back at him but I failed. I thought of looking at his deep eyes for one last time and turned back and then she was there 'his love of life'. I was amazed seeing her there. I had no idea why was she there?

"Enough of all this", I said to myself and went towards my destination. His images were still moving around my eyes but I tried diverting my attention. Just then, I thought if he really loved me he would have asked me to stay... He would have told his beloved what was in his heart but he simply stood there as a coward. Maybe all that mattered to him was his false prestige which would be damaged if he stayed with me.

Then what was it that I saw in his deep eyes? Wasn't it love? How can I be so much dumb? It shouldn't matter to me whether he loves me or not. The only thing that should matter is "love is only about giving not taking". If he wants to be with his "love of life" and loves his 'prestige' more than me, then let things be as it is.

Now it was time to return my motherland. I had departed for there 16 years ago promising my "motherland" that I would return one day and do something great for her. And the time had come. I returned "Nepal" with all my experiences and knowledge. I was sure that I would fulfill my promise and make my country world champion. But still his images were alive inside me and I continued my journey making his memory my strength.

Hard decision

My legs were moving but my eyes wanted to stay there. My body was going to leave that place but I felt as if my soul will forever remain there. My eyes were restless and my heart was pounding so heavily that I forcefully stopped my legs so that I could fix my body there for sometime.

My mind was telling my effort of hunting was useless but in my heart I had a tiny hope. My eyes weren't finding peace until I saw that face struggling among the crowd. Those dark black eyes were occupied with the liquid of love. But I was determined not to be weak in front of those dark black twinkling stars.

With the passing of every second, the physical distance was minimizing. Just then a drop of tear rolled down my cheek and I immediately tried wiping it away. He stood in front of me and we both were drowning inside each others eyes. There was so much to say but the silence spoke everything. And I could see that intense feeling in his eyes maybe he could see it in mine too.

All these years I have waited to see this feeling in his eyes  but now it was too late. We met due to destiny, fell in love due to destiny and now the same destiny was imparting us. I could hold for no longer so I turned back and tried to hide my tears. I could clearly hear James Blunt's hit "Goodbye my lover" being played in the background. I wanted to hug him and tell him about my feelings but I couldn't do that as this would be a hindrance in my decision. I finally turned back and said goodbye to him and the song continued...... 

To be continued......

That child !!

I saw her from a distance. She seemed innocent and her heart was pure. I could see the purity of her heart in her smile. She was really enjoying her life to the fullest. She didn't had any tension regarding her studies. She was neither worried about her career nor her cut off percentage. It seemed as if it was her last day in the earth. She was not worried about her future at all.

I had a strong feeling that I had met that child before. I was familiar with her carefree nature and indifferent attitude. I was familiar with her peaceful mind and pure heart. But my memories had betrayed me. I was feeling as if time had made me powerless and I was struggling for my existence.

I was not being able to talk to the child. I was struggling hard to solve my queries and then something beyond my expectation was waiting for me. I saw her.. the child's mother. It was her... my mother and she was calling the child by my name. What a confusing state? How is my mother suppose to be here? What a coincidence the child and I share the same name? And when I inspected the child closely, I saw that scar in her forehead. I was in my childhood and the girl who was so familiar to me was me....

Confusing love

     Divine love or materialistic love

                                                                                   

Love simply means to me as something done from heart but not from eyes. You simply don’t care how your love looks like and perfection doesn’t exist in love. But I am always confused if divine love is the one that lasts forever or the materialistic one.

By saying divine love I mean the love done with God and materialistic means with the creation of God (human beings). As I belong to a Hindu Brahmin family, my mind is very much influenced by the word ‘Divine’. Since my childhood I am seen my parents as well as grandparents worshiping the unseen force ‘God’. I have heard a lot of stories about divine love such as Meera Bai’s love for Lord Krishna which is without any doubt immortal. But some materialistic love story such as the love story of Sakuntala and Dushyant is too immortal.

As I have been much influenced by Lord Krishna, I believed in divine love and decided to devote my love towards this supreme power. It doesn’ t mean that like other people I keep on worshiping his idol with red tika. As I said before, love is done by heart so I keep on imagining him with me and talk with him due to which people think I am introvert. But that’s not enough I guess. These days my divine  love is being more or less affected by materialistic love. I have never experienced materialistic love before and wish that I’ll never have to. But I am unaware about the coming future .

Football

        World Cup and Me                   

“World Cup: 2010” whenever I hear this, I return to the flashback. It is one of the important periods which have changed my life so drastically. I had neither watched any international matches nor any club games before. But something really strong was attracting me towards this event. I too selected a country to support like my any other cousin. I had no idea about any team or player but made a decision of supporting “Germany”. The schedule was published in the newspaper and my brother being a football fan kept it safely.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                It was the evening time when something attracted my eyes. It was the same paper but my eyes were mainly focused on the picture next to the schedule. It was a young man with slightly long hairs and a smile having beautiful dimple. His eyes were black and he was wearing the jersey of “Argentina National Team”. I didn’t know who that young guy was but I simply enjoyed decorating the picture with mustache

 and beard in his face. When my brother saw it, he became mad at me and started scolding me as the world’s best player was looking like a joker. He said, “This is Lionel Messi. How could you ruin his picture?” “Messi” my ears became wide. I had heard this name somewhere before but I was not being able to recall it. After trying very hard, I came to know that my brother once tried showing me his picture in an advertisement of “Pepsi” but I had shown no interest.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    After few days the tournament begun and I was very much excited to watch the matches. I watched almost all matches of Germany but paid no attention towards other matches. But one day, I really got surprised knowing Germany and Argentina were going to face each other in the quarter-finals. I was really worried as the world’s best player was playing against my favorite team. The match begun and I stayed requesting Messi not to score the goals. Luckily, Germany won the match but I got influenced by the game of “Messi”. Although, he didn’t score any goals in the world cup, he played wonderfully. Seeing his game I started loving football.                                                                                                                                                                                               This game really changed my thinking and overview towards the game “football”. After the end of world cup, I started researching more about Messi and came to know about “Barcelona: More Than a Club”. The biography of Messi inspired me a lot and slowly I became one of the crazy fans of football. Football also helped me to decide my aim. Being so much influenced by “Messi” and “Barcelona”, today I hold a dream of becoming a sports psychologist and making my country Nepal win the world cup. It may seem difficult today but is not impossible. If we dream it, we can do it.