Mindset

"Bhaiya! How much does the banana cost?", a women asked to a vendor. "It's 60 rs per dozen, didi!", replied the young vendor. After buying the bananas she went to the next vendor and asked, "Dai! How much does the apple cost?". "It's 100 rs per kg, didi!", replied the old vendor. The women was talking to those two vendors in totally opposite manner. One was referred as 'dai' while next was referred as 'bhaiya' but the language she used to communicate with both of them was same "Nepali". The one referred as "bhaiya" was way too smaller than the women. So, what was it that caused her to refer the young boy around her son's age as "bhaiya"?

Since I was born in kathmandu, I have spent 20 years of my life here seeing, observing and hearing the people of my surrounding calling every other guy from either 'Madesh' or 'India' as "Bhaiya". I was unaware  that I had also developed the same habit until one of my friend from Madesh made me realize this. After my realization, I tried to analyze my relatives, friends and their attitude towards the word "bhaiya". In Madesh as well as in "India" the term "bhaiya" refers to as "brother" but her in Kathmandu the word "bhaiya" is used as a tagline for every guy who belong to Madesh and India. Without even realizing whether the person is a small kid or an old man, people use the term "bhaiya" to call them.

Sometimes I even wonder whether people are aware that Madesh is a part of Nepal. Most of the people here think people of Madesh are people of India. Madhesh has been fighting since long for its identity and still people have such confusion. I really wish that the gap between madheshi and other people living in other region of Nepal gets reduced. The upcoming generation may realize and understand the proper use of term "bhaiya" and stop using it as a tagname. And also may all people have respect for each others identity, culture, language and hope the fragmantation disappears...

Now or never

Inspiration.. Motivation.. How important are these words in a human's life? It gives you the strength to see dreams, follow them and eventually  live them.

When I was in class 6, I had my first ever crush on a guy. Like, some of the perks of early teens, I even purposed him and got rejected. I was just a kid back then and had some difficulties coping up with the rejection. That was when my life had a major turning point. It was the time of World Cup 2010. Every other guy in my town  was excited about it. I had no interest in soccer nor in World cup events but until when could I save myself from it. Eventually, like my every other cousin I also choosed a team to support.

In those days, a name "Messi" was quite famous. I remember my brother talking about him to me and showing me his picture twice; once in a group picture with Barcelona team and the next a single pic in the world cup time schedule. Without any clue I had chosen Germany as my team for the World cup and it was that match in the quater finals with Argentina that gave me a life long inspiration. The match ended up in 4-0 with the victory of Germany but I was so impressed and attracted to Messi that I eventually became a football fan.

Since then I started following Football Club Barcelona watching each and every matches. I got so highly inspired that I forgot all about the crush and rejection thing. I started performing well in my academics and turned out to be a bright student. "Messi" became my rolemodel and the thought of seeing and meeting him inspired me to work hard everyday.

The World cup is passing one by one and the one that I am looking forward to is "World cup 2022". I have seen Messi playing all these years in Television and Youtube but I think this is my last chance to see him play for Argentina in front of my eyes. Messi has always inspired me to achieve my dreams and now I have a dream to see my inspiration play in front of my eyes. If I miss it, there won't be a second chance.

Smile!

"Life is not always a bed of roses". An old proverb which I had heard plenty of times during my school days. Maybe my every new English teacher interpreted it according to their own life experiences and now if I become a teacher I will intreprete it to my students as per my experience.

They say life is unfair and I too believed in it until today when my head was about to brust from pain and I had almost given up, I remembered my dearest friend. I had been observing him since last 3 years and today I  realize he is one of the most influential person in my life. Whenever I was in any bad situation I couldn't think of anything. I would rather cry or show anger to someone but he is so different. No matter how angry or sad he might be feeling from inside, he always has that smile in his face. That beautiful thing of him simply makes him the winner.

Our real exam is our life. No matter how many gold medals keep on hanging in our showcase, until and unless it can't help us deal with our real life problems, it's valueless. The education we receive must be useful while facing the real world. The years of education which has been invested on us must bring some real outcome. It took me 17 years to realize that all of my years of education has been a total waste. All these years I had been running after good grades while I was unknown about the real exam. Today remembering my dearest friend has helped me to put a step forward in trying to face every scenerio that life throws in my way with a beautiful and killer smile. Keep smiling !!

Fault

What is my fault? If I am not like the way you expect me to be. What is my fault? If I am different then other daughters of this society. What is my fault? If I am unique. What is my fault? If I am me.

I don't know how you actually felt when you held me in your arms for the first time. I can only guess that you must have felt happy but not happier. I know you have done a lot for your two children but your daughter has always felt that something could have been more better. I don't want to compare your love towards your two children but I have always missed your brightest smile when I have excelled in my studies. You have never boasted about your daughter's intelligence with the relatives. And that hurts.

As far as I have understood you, you have always wanted your daughter to be better in the household activities. Maybe you want to boast about your daughter cooking a wonderful meal to the realtives. Maybe you want me to be best in managing the household affairs. But have you tried thinking what you daughter's real passion is? What is her real talent? It makes me sad that every outsider appreciates my effort, hardworking nature but for you I am only a lazy girl who tries to run away from the works. It is sad and fustrating to me that you don't understand what your own part (daughter) is capable of.

Every night!

It was almost 12 o'clock and she was still stuck and fighting with her thoughts. "It is difficult to fight with the world and even more difficult to fight with yourself", she said. There was actually no one listening to her except those posters of her favourite sportsperson, 3 teddies and her own childhood picture. Yes, there were few cockroaches moving around along with mosquitoes but she never regarded them as her friends. Whenever she felt lonely and wanted to pour her heart out, she either talked to the poster or the teddies or her own picture.

Yes! She had friends ofcourse and nearly 5 of them knew every inch of her but she sometimes prefered self talk and didn't want to make her friends bored from her same old talk. Sometimes she would type the messages to her dear ones but something would stop her from sending it. "My biggest problem is me myself and the solution to it is also within me." Sometimes she would try to convience herself from these words.

She was lying in the bed listening to that tick tock in the clock and twar twar of the frogs. Somewhere she could even hear a child crying. "Childhood" she just flowed back to her past. "I was so shy back then and too emotional." She just had flashbacks of those days which brought  a smile in her face but soon that smile faded away when she realised today she was still emotional but lost her shy nature. She had stared to lose patience  these days and anything simple could disturb her inner peace and after that the act she performed that was beyond her control. "This is not what was meant to be. I should not be what I am becoming. The society at the end will not accept me. My friends, my lifestyle, my study everything will be blamed. I am a girl and the society won't allow a girl to become this aggressive. Aggressiveness is for boys", she said to herself.

"Wait! what if I was a boy? Maybe my life would have been more easier. I think if I was a part of different society, I could have become someone else". Her thoughts went on and on. Poor little girl she was not aware that her main problem was her "over thinking nature" which almost ate her together with depression. Her mind was getting full of rotten thoughts which was limiting her ability. Maybe she was just seeking a hand which would tap on her shoulders and say " Chill Champ! You are over thinking a lot. Every thing will be alright just go with the flow."

Disturbed ..

Was I really like this? Is this the real me? Does the opinion of the crowd really affect me? Why can't I be indifferent towards others action and opinion? Why am I losing my inner peace and happiness? So many questions she had in her head which bothered her every single second. It was her time to get lost in those beautiful dreams but she had almost forgotten how to dream.

She ! Who is she? "She" is someone's daughter, someone's sister and someone's friend. She was also like every other girl who has dreams to dream , ideas to share and knowledge to gain. She also wanted to fly high in the sky like the free bird but little did she know she would be carrying a heavy heart in the future. In the past, she didn't use to care about others opinion. She used to follow her heart with confidence. But now she only can do is overthinking about almost everything. Before, she could use her creativity to compose new poems but now she only creates false situation in her mind.

She was always emotional. She was born with a soft heart which people called as weak. She knowing that her soft heart can be misused, always tried to gain control in her emotion but her every single try was a boomerang. She always thought she would have someone by her side to listen to her words and solve her dilemmas but someone forgot to tell her that everyone will get busy trying to deal with their own life, even the one whom she loves.

Now, what she can only do is lie in her bed and try to deal with all those thoughts. But the problem is, it gets even worst. Those thoughts which she tries to avoid constantly strike her. She always remains disturbed and people perceive her as 'irritating', 'rude' and even 'selfish'. People's opinion disturb her and makes her feel sad. She gets easily emotional these days even in little things. If you think you can't  manipulate anyone, maybe you haven't tried on her. 'She' is the one.